Picking Back Up. Perfectionist?

So my last official post was about making warm apple cider, posted right before Christmas (yikes) and previous to that was about anxiety. Ugh, speaking of anxiety, that’s the number one reason why I haven’t posted in a while. I seriously have so much to say and so much already written out but then freak myself out to hitting that “publish” button. Like each time I write something and come back to it, I edit so much it sounds so different from my original that and I don’t like it. Or I complete something and worry if my grammar and all that shit is up to par. (insert rolling eye emoji) But, I’m stepping out and just going for it. I’ll continue to write and share and if you don’t like then, don’t read it. I’m just going to push through the anxiety and just go for it. Writing makes me happy!  Why not just do what make you happy and let everything else go, right?

So going forward, full disclosure. I’m not a journalist, I don’t have a major in English, I’m one that will read what I write several times and will MOST LIKELY still have some sort of error. I’m human too guys.

I’m not necessarily playing the what if game in my head or worrying about what others think cuz screw that. You’ll never get much accomplished if you think that way! For me it’s more about letting go of this “perfectionist” mind-set. That I cannot possibly write in a way that EVERY one will like, that I cannot PLEASE everyone, that my post cannot be PERFECT! I just want to make sure there is some value to those who read my blog.

I’m not perfect, no one is. All humans are by nature imperfect. To be perfect is an unachievable aspiration. Something that has stuck with me is someone telling me “as a human being I have not been given the ability of being perfect or even 99.9% perfect.” It’s just not possible.

I’ve had a tendency to always criticize myself when I didn’t do something well enough or couldn’t accomplish a goal. Over time, I realized that, sometimes, we fall short. Period. There will be things that we will not be able to do or perform well in. This should not be used as an excuse but rather as a reminder that it is inhuman to be perfect and that we all have things we do well and we point blank suck at. I will continue to try and work on my weaknesses and to improve myself, but I will keep in mind that if I am unable to complete or do something well, I need to accept it.

I think that our society these days teach people that they are not allowed to be uncomfortable or vulnerable and when someone is, some do not know how to respond with empathy, they think, “what the hell is wrong with this person? They must be mentally ill or depressed or something.” like, really, come on. #spreadkindness This whole suicide epidemic should show people that everyone has struggles even if their persona shows they have a great life. You never know how one may be feeling or what people are struggling with. Ask your friends how they are doing, provide a helping hand every now and then, give hugs, show them you care, don’t be a jackass.

Part of keeping my “perfectionist” mind-set in check is also realizing that my anxiety won’t just go away and that some days will be better than others. I may have this whole “who cares” attitude today but tomorrow may be a different story. So bear with me, join me, or don’t, just know I’m doing what makes me happy and I hope it motivates you to do the same.

Deuces,

Kellie

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